Want
by A True Book Thief
Summary: Naruto's musings to watching Gaara and Hinata marry after leaving her for getting pregnant when they were 16. Not happy story.


That should be me. It was ment to be, we both know it was supposed to be me. I want to be with you guys, more than I've ever wanted anything. But there you are, happy as you can be. You smile and kiss our child on the head, laughing as he calls that man 'dad'. You and your husband both know I biologically am his father but he doesn't. You both look happy. When you kiss your husband, Gaara, I can tell you truly love him. Its so pure and unconditional, like the kind we used to have. That was, until I messed up.

You got pregnant at sixteen. We were both kids, still in high school and both scared. Eventually it got back to your family. Your father threatened to kick you out if you didn't abort the child. You didn't go through with it and ended up moving in with me. Naruto, father of a Hyuuga's child. Yeah right. When I was asked, I told them I had no idea whose it was. The worst part was they believed me over you. I was scared and I didn't want to be a father, I was still just a kid myself. I always held you and told you I'd be there. I wish I would've been more sincere about it.

Eventually, my lies and idiocy ended up breaking your heart. I tried to be there for you, I tried to tell you it was all okay and to ignore the evil words our classmates threw at you. It was strange to see you smile but I knew you would never let anyone see you cry. You always cried alone. But your public image never suffered. You smiled around people. Even as everyone in school laughed at you and called you a whore. Even as you began to show a little. Even as you dropped out.

Your friends were happy. They always were for you, they were the ones who stuck up for you and protected you. Ino was ecstatic, Sakura had a happy-jealously to her and Tenten was content you were doing good. When they threw you a surprise shower, it was the first time I had ever seen a group of friends so perfect together.

Although everything was good with your friends, one day you got fed up with me and left. I screamed at me, told me you hated me. I begged you to stay but you called your cousin Neji and left. From what people say you got an apartment with what little money you had. Neji helped you by sending you money discreetly. You got a job and tried to do it on your own. Neji always help with rent or other expenses. He helped as through the entire pregnancy without your father knowing.

I loved you and always tried to see how you were doing. You got a job as a secretary for some lawyer, 3 months into your pregnancy. His name was Gaara, he was 22 and he was known for being the best laywer in town, He was young but came from a rich family and graduated early. A few months later it became obvious that you had more than a work relationship. He would take you out, buy you things and you two always seemed to be together. Since you were still underage, rumors spread like wildfire.

That was how it began. You two began to date officially around your 7th month. I could tell he cared for you good. But I still tried to help as much as possible, I got a job and began to send as much money as I could. A couple hundred here and there,whenever I could. Hoping it would somehow make an impact. I pray it did as I began to realize my mistake.

After you had the child you and Gaara became almost inseparable. I seen you two now and then, you were the perfect family. Always showing a perfect amount happiness. It was the life you deserved.

When I talked to you, for the first time in months, you acted as though nothing happened between us. The only indication that anyone knew was the glare Gaara sent me and the protectiveness he had to you. You smiled and showed our son. He is the most beautiful thing I could've ever seen. Absolutely mesmerizing. I tried not to, but I ended up crying. He had my blue eyes but that was it, his small bunch of hair was colored indigo blue, along with his paleness. He could've easily passed for Gaara's.

You turned eighteen the day when you got engaged. Yuki Hyuuga was a year and a two months old when you told the world. He did it randomly, in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Apparently he had planed because his sister, brother and your friends were there.

Your wedding was beautiful. I watched from the crowd as you promised yourself to him. You told him you loved him and would never leave. He told you he loved you and only you. I could tell you belonged together. As he put the ring on your finger, his eyes showed an amount of love that I don't know if anything could match it. You found the perfect pair to you. Yuki was three when it happened, he was the ring barer. He was so happy seeing his mommy and 'daddy' finally get married.

Sitting in the pews I realized that should've been me. If I would've been a man and helped you I wouldnt be wanting to catch more than a glimpse of my son, I would be up there, telling you I love you and finally being a father to my son. No one could have said anything that would make me hate myself and less. I do, making you go through this alone and not being there for you. The ache in my chest is torturous,gnawing at my insides and making me yern for you more and more.

I look at you from my seat in the cafe by the park. Gaara is pushing 5 year old Yuki on the swings. Both are laughing as you sit on a nearby bench, your belly swollen with another child. You sometimes catch my glance and wave. I vave back and you go back to watching them. Yuki has a good childhood and I know thats because of Gaara. I just want to hug him and be with him. Not a day passes that I don't wish I was with him. It breaks my hear that he doesn't know his true fathers name. I love him and I've never even held him. I love you too, Hinata. I hope you realize that I will always love you. I just wish I had realized that sooner. 


End file.
